Say Whaaaat???

I recently did a survey with some of my male friends and associates and they gave me some excellent information. Ladies, I got my hands on some inside information and guess what? We don’t have a clue! Thank you to all who responded to my request for your truths. I appreciate it and I don’t think I would have been able to put this article together without you. I asked the following questions. After the question I will put the condensed version of the answers I received.  Enjoy!

1.  Other than her having a vagina, after meeting a woman for the first time, what would make you want to have sex with her?

Ladies, first impressions are EVERYTHING. This is where you can make or break that first connection. From the answers I got on the survey, men love a nice looking woman, let’s just put the shit out there. They love eye candy, they want to see an attractive woman standing before them. Dress nice and age appropriate. Smell nice. Not too much makeup. A lot of the guys said they love ‘no makeup’ but in my opinion, I don’t think they’ve seen many chicks completely make up free and wouldn’t enjoy that as much as they think they would. While most women think that a man pays attention to only looks on the first encounter, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Men want to listen to a woman speak so they can hear how intelligent she is.  Nobody wants a dummy. Ignorance is not bliss and it is not attractive.
2. Do you expect to have sex on the first date? Do you want to have sex on the first date?

I think this was the question with the most honest answers. It’s plain and simple on this one ladies, men do not expect sex on the first date. They go on the first date to enjoy the date, to get to know you and feel you out, not to fuck you. Sadly, it’s like an interview.
They want to have sex on the first date but it is not at all expected. Most of the guys interviewed even said sex being offered on a first date is a complete turn off and there wouldn’t be a second date. The reason for this is: imagine how many first dates a woman goes on…if she gets down with every man she goes on a date with her ‘number’ skyrockets. Guys like freaks but they don’t like freaks that everybody has had a taste of.  Speaking of taste…
3. Is oral sex acceptable the first time you have sex?

This one is going to hurt ladies. Go get a tissue. I’ll give you a minute…

Okay, the guys don’t want to do it the first time. Period. They just don’t want to and they don’t feel like it’s necessary. This can be party due to the woman not being demanding about it but whatever. It is what it is. They don’t want to do it the first time and they aren’t going to do it the first time. (Unless there’s some lying going on…)  BUT…there’s ALWAYS a big BUT…they will certainly accept it if you are willing to go there. (Go figure!) I don’t know what kind of perks this gets you later on down the line. I got one reply from a man that said he would do it only if he knew for sure he would get it in return. Then 2 guys said they would do it absolutely, hands down. But that’s out of the 20 people I asked so those chances SUCK…no pun intended…

4. What determines if you have sex a second time?

This is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Most of the guys surveyed said they would always do it a second time no matter what the first time was like. The fear is that the second time may be better and if they just let her go, they will never experience that. The rest of the guys said if there is no sexual chemistry, why waste the time? Here I learned that guys do like passion and sensuality. It’s not just a fuck to them. They are having sex with all the senses. Tantalize all of them!

5. When you meet a woman, what’s the first 3 physical traits you look at?

The replies to this question shocked me the most. While the media has these chicks thinking these guys are honed in on tits and ass it’s the little things that count. Okay, you know some of the guys can’t help themselves and they are going for the tits and ass no matter what BUT that doesn’t determine if a woman is attractive to them. The physical traits men pay attention to are as follows in no particular order.
-EYES!!! This was the number one answer. All but 2 of the guys had eyes in their list of 3 things. I don’t know what it is about the eyes either, nobody elaborated.  I would love comments on this one. Is it the shape, color, make up?
-Smile
-‘body’ (whatever that means)
-Lips
-hair/nails: with this one, guys don’t like extremes. No extreme styles or colors. Hair and nails is what the fellas said could embarrass him the most. They don’t like excessive or long weaves.  Guys like braids believe it or not.
-Intellect, job, career (not physical but this answer was frequent)
-Ass: and they want it to be yours, no implants, no injections, no booty enhancing underwear
-Hips/Curves/Thighs
-Sense of Humor (again, not physical but I got this answer a few times)
-Smell: step your perfume game up, ladies.

6. If a woman isn’t attractive to your standards, name 3 things that would still make you want to have sex with her.

Beer, wine and hard liquor was the funniest answer I got to this question. Bottom line on this one is that most guys aren’t willing to lower their physical standards for a piece of ass. Being under the influence will certainly have them shagging chicks they wouldn’t normally be getting down with. A few guys said that if a women just wants to have sex with no strings attached, they would do it just to do it. This is where having a good sense of humor comes in. Even if you aren’t all that physically attractive, crack a joke, it just may get you laid tonight.  Apparently guys love to laugh.  When I get on a roll, I think I am a comedian.  I’ll laugh all the way to the bedroom…
So, what do you think about the answers I received?  Agree, disagree?  Fellas, I would love to hear your answers to the questions. Maybe you feel different, have a different perspective. If you want to give me your answers in private, email me at valentinevixen@readtheselipz.com.  Make sure your answers correspond with the numbers of the questions.  I don’t have time to try to decipher your sexual preference report.

Ladies, I will be surveying you next with a whole new set of questions.  Fellas, BOLO for those answers, you might learn something the same way I did.  I hope this information was helpful to the ladies.

This is a blogpost I think there will be a follow up story on. Hopefully it will be soon.

Kiss the clover!

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SIZE! What Is It Good For…?

Not sure if anyone heard the story of the African wife who asked for an annulment because her husband’s dick was too big. Of course, there were endless jokes about this woman and her inability to “take that dick.” The jokes were intertwined with the matter-of-fact statements of that’s what EVERY woman wants.

Is it? Is it what EVERY woman wants? Segue to the age old question of “Does size really matter?”

Women love, love, love to talk about dicks! If any woman would like to pretend that she does not discuss size, shape, texture, color, etc. with girlfriends is a lie and the truth ain’t in her! Size matters in conversations with our girlfriends and in conversations with our boyfriends, it’s about performance, not size. Note: Bruised egos are never what we seek…unless he’s become the absolute scum of the earth.

I will admit size DOES matter.  Hands down!! It does!! The important part to this is WHY it matters.  I have experienced a plethora of dicks…okay, maybe not that many but enough to make my statement valid.

Example A:  Close your eyes. Imagine the feeling of a man’s fingers inside of you when he wants to play with your pussy while you suck his dick, now open your eyes and see that it is actually his dick. WTF! That’s what I said! He huffed and puffed and pumped and pumped like he was blowing my back out.  Words cannot describe how incredibly disappointing that was…he was cute and that’s all I can say about that.

Example B:  Now, no need to close your eyes this time because this other dick was THA TRUTH! Then it was attached to an absolute Adonis in impeccable shape with a panty-dropping smile. And then….we had sex. It was like someone giving you a gift, and you’re still trying to figure out what to do with it. That’s how he fucked. He was a “sticker.” Just bam, bam, bam (in my John Weatherspoon voice). Not only was I totally deflated by that performance but I walked funny for at least two days.

These are definitely on two ends of the spectrum, but let me explain why size matters. We want a size we can feel.  We also want a size that can work with us. We want our pussy to curve to the dick! (YES, that’s the coldest line from The Best Man!) EVERY woman wants this!! And when we get it, we never want to let it go!!

So…I empathized for that woman because her husband’s dick did not do that for her. I hope she finds the right dick. Oopsies, I meant the right man.

Please feel free to leave comments below or email me at creolelolita@readtheselipz.com.

 

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Arrested

Shut up! Face the wall and put your hands up. Spread your legs. Where were you at approximately 1:30 PM this afternoon? There are complaints that you were causing commotion and stopping me from getting any work done. All I could do was think of you. In most situations this would not be a crime. Unfortunately for you, I decide what is and is not a crime around here. Therefore, I have this search warrant to see if you’re in possession of my mind.

I’ll start by kissing you behind the ear. I have to make sure you don’t have any dangerous pheromones on. I feel your temperature rising. With your hands up and against the wall, I place my palms on the back of your hands and simultaneously run them from the fingertips to your shoulder blades. I press my thumbs inwards from your shoulder blades to the center of your back. I reach around to check your front side. I think I feel something. There is no way I can search you properly if this is how it’s going to be. There is a need to strip search you. I unbutton the top button followed by a kiss on the back of your neck. I take the next button followed by another kiss. As I move my way down the buttons, I open your blouse. The more buttons means the lower I kiss you. I remove your top and you’re in your bra. Every man should be able to remove a bra with one hand so I use one hand to snap your bra off and the other to unbutton your pants. I remove your bra and unzip your pants at the same damn time.

I move in closer to examine you. I keep one hand on your breast. With my free hand, I put two fingers on each side of your pussy. I cuff your pussy tight enough for you to feel the pressure but not tight enough to fright you. While cuffing you with my fingers, I take my thumb and press your midsection backwards to force your ass out and against me. Just like your shirt, your pants need to come off. I drop to my knees and pull your pants down evenly. I can’t help but to notice those cute little dimples above your ass. I kiss the right side. I kiss the left side. I continue to pull your pants down. I remove your pants and leave your thong on. Some things are meant to stay on until the last second. I stand back up and continue my search. I slide your thong to the side. I run my fingers south.

Well! Well! Well! What do we have here? Why are you so wet? If you were so innocent, I wouldn’t have you so wet right now. What should I do with you? No! Shut up! You are under arrest. It doesn’t matter what you did. The only thing that matters right now is how you make me feel. I feel like locking you up. I’ll take you to the holding cell and remove your thong. You can wait on the bed as I determine your sentence. Lay on your back. Let your hands and feet touch the corners of the bed as much as possible. Trust me! I can get you out of this mess that you’ve gotten yourself into. Don’t blame me for you staying on my mind all day long. It’s your fault.  Wit cha fine ass!  Now you have to serve hard time.

You are so attractive lying there naked. I know you are ready to be paroled for good behavior so I won’t waste anymore of your time. I get on top of you. I lock my fingers with yours. I pull toward you. Your juices have eliminated the need for any other lubricants. I take two fingers and insert them inside of you. I give you five short strokes with my fingers to loosen you up. On my way from pulling my fingers out of you, I spread my fingers wide. Instead of inserting a third finger, I thrust my dick inside of you. You brace yourself for impact. I push in deeper. I pull back but not out. You dig into my back. I push in deeper. You used to be so strong. Now you’re feeling weak. I have you right where I want you. I pull out and get up. Take that!

The justice system is not fair. Nor shall I be. You can’t stay on my mind all day and think there are no consequences to pay. You must obey the law. Read These Lipz… Stay Outta My Head!!!!

Should I continue? Do you want Black Phoenix to get back on top? What happens next? Want more?  Comment below and let me know.

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Point, Blank, Period

Now is not the time. We can’t do it. Aunt Flo is in town. These are just a few of the lines that a man hates to hear when he is ready to have sex and his lady can’t participate. Most men would put on the pouting face and retreat. Some men would decide to go with the ‘I can do myself’ operation. I am not most men. I am not some men. Read these lips… I am Mr. Nasty. I don’t accept excuses and when it’s time to burn some sexual calories then we are going to make it shake… point, blank, period.

I like to study people. I pay attention to. Your favorite color being pink shit? That’s the easy stuff. I will know what you like to wear. I will know when you’re feeling any kind of way without you telling me. I will even know you well enough to know when your time is coming. I notice shit like a woman is the horniest four to five days before her period. This is the time she comes seeking the dick. Tell a woman you want her right before her period begins and she’d probably beat you to the meeting spot. A woman will steal the dick before her period comes.

Majority of society would frown upon having sex while a woman is on her period. I’m a menace to society. It all started when we were hot and heavy after a long day of shit talking. You know! That Black Phoenix getting nasty talk. During kissing, I reach down to take her belt off. I remove the belt and started to unzip her pants. She grabs my hand and moves them back up to her breasts. Soooo my thinking is that she’s just not ready and I have to put in a little more work. I continue to kiss on her and she’s squirming. I know she wants it. I reached down to unzip her pants again and the last thing I wanted to hear flew out of her mouth – I would fuck you but I’m on my period.

Wait! Hold up! Time out! What the fuck did she just say? Flashback – as “boys”, we often bragged to each other how we fucked her and made her bleed. It was considered more of a badge of honor that we destroyed the pussy. Remember I said as “boys”. We did boyish shit. We knew nothing. Now back to this moment…

I reached down to unzip her pants again and the last thing I wanted to hear flew out of her mouth – I would fuck you but I’m on my period. Please!!! Understand who you are fucking with before you fuck with them. Being a quick thinker, I responded ‘I don’t see any blood coming out of your mouth. I don’t see any blood dripping from your hands. I doubt you’re bleeding from your ass.’ I was letting her know that she had three general options from the “WE’RE DOING SOMETHING DAMMIT!” Playbook. I was getting mine and it was either coming way of her mouth, her hand, or her ass. Pick one.

I was expecting many different replies from her. I thought it would range from ‘let’s just wait’ to ‘ok, I’ll suck your dick’. Maybe a slim chance that she says put it in her ass. What I wasn’t expecting was to hear her say that she still wanted it and she wanted me inside her now. What do I do? Do I run out? Do I play dead? Think, man!!! Is that my phone ringing? Do I finish what I started? Think, man, think!!! My solution was to march my ass in the bathroom and get that dark colored towel and lay it down under her ass. She got that treatment package minus the lickin’. I don’t eat red food at other people’s house.

Today’s lesson is not complicated. Let your views be that of your own. Don’t let society tell you when and when not to have sex. Sometimes, in life, things get messy. You still have to complete the job and cleanup afterwards. She wanted the dick. It was my duty to give it to her. I had an obligation to please her no matter what the barrier was. She asked for the dick and I had to deliver. Point, blank, period.

What are your thoughts? Is sex restricted during her period? If so, I’m a repeat offender. Are you nasty too? Maybe it is disgusting. Whatever your case may be, the next time a period comes around you will think about Black Phoenix.

Stay Moist!

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May I Ass You a Question?

“You gonna get some ass tonight?”
“When you gonna let me get that ass, girl?”
“When was the last time you gave me a piece of ass?”

Um, so, uh, yeah, so just so we’re clear…uh, are we talking proverbial ass or, um, literal ass? Just trying to clear that up. People don’t want and certainly don’t need that “in the wrong hole” embarrassment while they are having sex later on down the line. It’s weird and can take a socially awkward 15 seconds or so to get back on track. Even if it’s pitch black in the room, doesn’t do anything to help with saving face. So, let’s just put the shit out there so there’s no confusion, no embarrassment, no punches thrown, no breakups and no move outs. Let me ass you this simple yes or no question: DO YOU WANT TO HAVE ANAL OR NAH?

How did I miss the Anal Sex Welcome Wagon? When did it arrive because I have been completely been blindsided by this. When did anal sex become so popular? It’s commonplace in porn now. They just threw it in at the end of the customary sequence: blow job, missionary, girl on top, doggystyle, then ANAL. I even read that virgins are having anal sex to retain and maintain their virgin status. Woah!!! If you have anal sex, you may still be a virgin but there should be a new name for what they should call you. Champion and gangsta are a couple that come to mind. You go girl!

There are several men that want to do it but may be hesitant to ask because they don’t want to come off as some freak ass douchbag that’s just trying to mark ‘ass’ off of his sex list. He may not know how to bring it up or how to ask for it in a way to not offend his partner. He doesn’t want her to feel like he’s there to ask for more than she was willing to give. He certainly doesn’t want to take it upon himself and just go for the gusto, oh no, hell no. Don’t do that…ever. Believe it or not, I think there are many women that wouldn’t mind giving it a try for the first time. There are several women who are doing it regularly. Women may be hesitant to ask for it because they may be afraid of the reaction they get from their partner. No woman wants to be known as the ‘Up the Butt” girl during the following weekend’s barbershop chatter. Do guys even think like this though? Does a woman get points deducted if she wants anal sex?

I don’t think there is concern for either problem laid out above. When you are dealing with a mature group of sexually uninhibited individuals, what you like is what you like. There is usually no criticism coming from either party. You don’t know what you like until you try it. It’s the same with food. I hate to hear somebody say they don’t like a certain food if they haven’t even tried it. That makes no sense. So this is a good place to insert: Don’t knock it ’til you try it.

If you try it, relax, breathe. It will make things easier and more enjoyable for both of you. Make sure you use plenty of lubricant, you can’t use too much, no such thing. This is supposed to be pleasurable, not painful, so you may want to start with something smaller than him (sex toy, finger) or if you ‘bout that life go right ahead. This isn’t a rule book and I’m not your coach. Enjoy!

Kiss the clover.

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Variety Is The Spice of Life

Before I begin, I want to start by saying that I do not promote promiscuity, but I do promote the need for variety in the course of one’s sex life.  Promiscuity is almost taboo as it borders along the word whore or hoe. I like to joke and say most of us were whores at one time, but it’s a tough pill to swallow.  But variety….variety sounds like we have given ourselves options.  I am a believer in variety as it presents the opportunity to compare.  Comparison is important.  We learn to know what we like and don’t like in a partner.  Of course, it is a task to find everything in one person, but that is the fun part.

I was talking to a girlfriend who recently slept with a guy for the first time.  She said he couldn’t fuck, and she went on to say how the previous guy she was with was better.  But who is to say the new guy did not think the same thing about her?  He has pleased someone before her, he just did not please her.

In my quest of variety , I developed what I have called the Two-Time Rule.  I found that most “first times” are not all they should be.  More times than not, it will be awkward and either really, really short or really, reeeeeeaallly long for no good reason.  So, based on my theory that the first time will suck or linger along the lines of mediocrity, I decided that a second chance needed to be given to conclude if the guy was a good prospect for future sexual endeavors.

Once the rule was implemented, it never steered me wrong.  I weeded out the ones that did not please me.  I felt confident in saying “he can’t fuck for shit” and meaning it.  I learned what made me cringe and what made me scream (in the good way).

Again, I am not saying to sleep with any and everything. Be selective and not picky. Your “variety” awaits and remember to be open to failure as second chances are almost always a good idea.

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