…Baby, Bend Over…Let Me See Ya….

Guess who’s back? First, apologies for my absence, sometimes life takes over and things get postponed. With that said, I am happy to pick up where I have left off…which was where exactly? Not sure because I never have much of a plan as its is always random thoughts that pop into my head.

I was recently thinking about positions and which positions I enjoy now versus my youth. I do not really know if it is really related to age but I think when we are young, we think we can do ANYTHING! LITERALLY! We will twist, turn, stand up, sit down, bend over, lean back, and damn near break our neck.

Partially, I still feel this way as we all want to please our partner. But just like my time constraints mentioned in a previous post…I have limitations as to how many positions I am interested in doing. The end product is always the same, so why must we take the long route to get there? If the pussy is good, we don’t need to do all that. Of course, I will repeat, changing it up is necessary from time to time to avoid “routine”, but not EVERYDAY. Can’t a chic just get some simple missionary or give you a good ride?

Remember K.I.S.S (Keep It Simple Stupid)…it goes a long way!


Get IT Right, Get IT Tight!!!

Ladies…I am not going to sugar coat this next topic because I feel like it’s detrimental to any successful sexual relationship.  We have to give men what they want which is (are you ready?)….<drumroll>….a TIGHT WET pussy!!

No man wants to just fall in and as a woman, you should want to feel every inch of him.  Every time you have sex should feel like the first time minus the pain and/or bleeding…but really that is the goal.  Well, maybe that’s just MY goal.

I will just let you know at least two things that are full proof, hands down the best ways to achieve this.

First thing…Kegels.  This should be the most important exercise of the day that should be done everyday.  The best part is that you can do it at any time of the day.  Of course, most women know about Kegels so I will not tell you how to do them. I am just saying you MUST do them.

Second…hydrate, hydrate, hydrate!  Water is the key to our bodily functions and a wet pussy is one of them!  Trust me, I drink a gallon daily.  There is no better feeling than that moment a man is inside of you and lets you know how wet it is.

Really these two things are no-brainers and I hope are a part of every woman’s routine not just for sexual pleasure but overall health.  So, drink your water and squeeze those muscles.  Cause when you squeeze their dick, he may just come quick….and then you can rest to do it all over again.


…It’s Been a Long Time

Time is a funny thing as sometimes we tend to forget how quickly it goes, and once we notice, we break into a long soliloquy as to how precious it is and should enjoy every moment as it comes.

I totally agree that time is precious and all…. MY time should also not be wasted. I have heard women go on and on about how they don’t want no minute man and on the same hand, men believe that they have to fuck like it’s a goddamn marathon.

What does fucking for hours actually achieve? Other than dry mouth and sweat? Or to see how many ways your body can be contorted?

Personally, I have a time limit. I make it known to most guys that I do not like to exceed 20 minutes, and most times, they think I am joking. Whilst in the act, they soon learn that I am not. Boredom strikes and frustration sets in……wooooouuuulllllld you puhleeeeeeze BUST A NUT!!! I literally shut down and the constant stroking is like hearing the sound of the second hand of your watch tick-tick-tick…..okay, maybe it’s not quite that bad.

Point is…the end result is the same right? So, why prolong it? It is interesting that I read in the magazine, Men’s Health, that the minimum duration of sex including seduction, foreplay, and intercourse should be about 30 minutes. The heavens opened up!!! YES!! It also noted that the average man last about 14 minutes during intercourse (well, bring him over here) and that men do not have to go that long to satisfy a woman. YES!! I do not need you huffin’ and puffin’ over me, on the side of me, or behind me for hours!

Now, for those of you that like those long, drawn out sexcapades….have at it! AS for me, I will be sitting pretty and/or possibly spooning for approximately 10 minutes after my 20 minutes or less sexual cardio session has ended.


SIZE! What Is It Good For…?

Not sure if anyone heard the story of the African wife who asked for an annulment because her husband’s dick was too big. Of course, there were endless jokes about this woman and her inability to “take that dick.” The jokes were intertwined with the matter-of-fact statements of that’s what EVERY woman wants.

Is it? Is it what EVERY woman wants? Segue to the age old question of “Does size really matter?”

Women love, love, love to talk about dicks! If any woman would like to pretend that she does not discuss size, shape, texture, color, etc. with girlfriends is a lie and the truth ain’t in her! Size matters in conversations with our girlfriends and in conversations with our boyfriends, it’s about performance, not size. Note: Bruised egos are never what we seek…unless he’s become the absolute scum of the earth.

I will admit size DOES matter.  Hands down!! It does!! The important part to this is WHY it matters.  I have experienced a plethora of dicks…okay, maybe not that many but enough to make my statement valid.

Example A:  Close your eyes. Imagine the feeling of a man’s fingers inside of you when he wants to play with your pussy while you suck his dick, now open your eyes and see that it is actually his dick. WTF! That’s what I said! He huffed and puffed and pumped and pumped like he was blowing my back out.  Words cannot describe how incredibly disappointing that was…he was cute and that’s all I can say about that.

Example B:  Now, no need to close your eyes this time because this other dick was THA TRUTH! Then it was attached to an absolute Adonis in impeccable shape with a panty-dropping smile. And then….we had sex. It was like someone giving you a gift, and you’re still trying to figure out what to do with it. That’s how he fucked. He was a “sticker.” Just bam, bam, bam (in my John Weatherspoon voice). Not only was I totally deflated by that performance but I walked funny for at least two days.

These are definitely on two ends of the spectrum, but let me explain why size matters. We want a size we can feel.  We also want a size that can work with us. We want our pussy to curve to the dick! (YES, that’s the coldest line from The Best Man!) EVERY woman wants this!! And when we get it, we never want to let it go!!

So…I empathized for that woman because her husband’s dick did not do that for her. I hope she finds the right dick. Oopsies, I meant the right man.

Please feel free to leave comments below or email me at creolelolita@readtheselipz.com.



Variety Is The Spice of Life

Before I begin, I want to start by saying that I do not promote promiscuity, but I do promote the need for variety in the course of one’s sex life.  Promiscuity is almost taboo as it borders along the word whore or hoe. I like to joke and say most of us were whores at one time, but it’s a tough pill to swallow.  But variety….variety sounds like we have given ourselves options.  I am a believer in variety as it presents the opportunity to compare.  Comparison is important.  We learn to know what we like and don’t like in a partner.  Of course, it is a task to find everything in one person, but that is the fun part.

I was talking to a girlfriend who recently slept with a guy for the first time.  She said he couldn’t fuck, and she went on to say how the previous guy she was with was better.  But who is to say the new guy did not think the same thing about her?  He has pleased someone before her, he just did not please her.

In my quest of variety , I developed what I have called the Two-Time Rule.  I found that most “first times” are not all they should be.  More times than not, it will be awkward and either really, really short or really, reeeeeeaallly long for no good reason.  So, based on my theory that the first time will suck or linger along the lines of mediocrity, I decided that a second chance needed to be given to conclude if the guy was a good prospect for future sexual endeavors.

Once the rule was implemented, it never steered me wrong.  I weeded out the ones that did not please me.  I felt confident in saying “he can’t fuck for shit” and meaning it.  I learned what made me cringe and what made me scream (in the good way).

Again, I am not saying to sleep with any and everything. Be selective and not picky. Your “variety” awaits and remember to be open to failure as second chances are almost always a good idea.


Lickin Ain’t Easy, But Somebody’s Gotta Do It

Pussy eating. Lickin’ the cat. Cunnilingus…(yes, that’s a word). Whatever word or term is used, it seems to be very popular in social media. I can’t tell you how many pictures/memes of eating pussy can be posted on Instagram daily but some men dedicate their entire page to it. Honestly, I am glad that they aren’t ashamed to talk about eating pussy or that they enjoy doing it. I just wonder if they are really good at it. I mean…that is what they want us to think, right? I look at some of those of those pictures myself and space out. I can feel that man that did EVERYTHANG right. (We ALL have one or three or more.)

Every man does it differently. But this one guy really stands out. Of course, I was prepared before going there….the pussy has to be pretty even for just sex. I was not prepared for the tongue lashing he gave me that night.

When he was ready, he pulled my dress up to find I was not wearing any panties, and moved his fingers in and out to feel how easy my pussy creamed at the slightest touch. He pressed his lips against my ear and asked “Do you want me to taste it?” I answered by taking his wet fingers into my mouth and let his tongue enter as well and slowly say “Yes.” He gently sucked on my clit as he moved his fingers in and out of me. Then it was just his tongue…and that’s all she wrote! Now, I am a certified squirmer. He even held me down the right way. I wanted to jump out of my skin and get that dick inside of me fast. (Patience has never been one of my strong suits.)

Anyhoo, I digress….but isn’t this what that man wanted when he posted that picture of that fine ass man eating the girl on the dinner table? Or the one with the fine ass man holding her up and eating it from the back? LAWD!! That’s the best! All I have to say is…I am happy to look at these posts because it brings me to a happy place. I am elated that men love eating the pussy just as much as they like strokin’ it!

I do need to post a “buyer beware”. If a man has no pictures of himself and only memes about eating pussy, he’s probably ugly with a little dick! Just kidding….sorta!

If you have any comments or feedback, please email me at creolelolita@readtheselipz.com