May I Ass You a Question?

“You gonna get some ass tonight?”
“When you gonna let me get that ass, girl?”
“When was the last time you gave me a piece of ass?”

Um, so, uh, yeah, so just so we’re clear…uh, are we talking proverbial ass or, um, literal ass? Just trying to clear that up. People don’t want and certainly don’t need that “in the wrong hole” embarrassment while they are having sex later on down the line. It’s weird and can take a socially awkward 15 seconds or so to get back on track. Even if it’s pitch black in the room, doesn’t do anything to help with saving face. So, let’s just put the shit out there so there’s no confusion, no embarrassment, no punches thrown, no breakups and no move outs. Let me ass you this simple yes or no question: DO YOU WANT TO HAVE ANAL OR NAH?

How did I miss the Anal Sex Welcome Wagon? When did it arrive because I have been completely been blindsided by this. When did anal sex become so popular? It’s commonplace in porn now. They just threw it in at the end of the customary sequence: blow job, missionary, girl on top, doggystyle, then ANAL. I even read that virgins are having anal sex to retain and maintain their virgin status. Woah!!! If you have anal sex, you may still be a virgin but there should be a new name for what they should call you. Champion and gangsta are a couple that come to mind. You go girl!

There are several men that want to do it but may be hesitant to ask because they don’t want to come off as some freak ass douchbag that’s just trying to mark ‘ass’ off of his sex list. He may not know how to bring it up or how to ask for it in a way to not offend his partner. He doesn’t want her to feel like he’s there to ask for more than she was willing to give. He certainly doesn’t want to take it upon himself and just go for the gusto, oh no, hell no. Don’t do that…ever. Believe it or not, I think there are many women that wouldn’t mind giving it a try for the first time. There are several women who are doing it regularly. Women may be hesitant to ask for it because they may be afraid of the reaction they get from their partner. No woman wants to be known as the ‘Up the Butt” girl during the following weekend’s barbershop chatter. Do guys even think like this though? Does a woman get points deducted if she wants anal sex?

I don’t think there is concern for either problem laid out above. When you are dealing with a mature group of sexually uninhibited individuals, what you like is what you like. There is usually no criticism coming from either party. You don’t know what you like until you try it. It’s the same with food. I hate to hear somebody say they don’t like a certain food if they haven’t even tried it. That makes no sense. So this is a good place to insert: Don’t knock it ’til you try it.

If you try it, relax, breathe. It will make things easier and more enjoyable for both of you. Make sure you use plenty of lubricant, you can’t use too much, no such thing. This is supposed to be pleasurable, not painful, so you may want to start with something smaller than him (sex toy, finger) or if you ‘bout that life go right ahead. This isn’t a rule book and I’m not your coach. Enjoy!

Kiss the clover.


5 thoughts on “May I Ass You a Question?”

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